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  • Difficult Roads Often Lead to Beautiful Destinations


    We are living in a remarkable time right now, with so many of us affected by the changes we’re going through. If you are feeling anxious, isolated, even depressed, you’re not alone! Anxiety and depression are such a predictable outcome of the kind of change we’re all experiencing. And this change comes on top of already difficult situations we find ourselves in as individuals, couples, and families. So if you’re here because you could use some support right now, you’re on the right path in wanting to look after your own healing and well-being.

    What’s getting in the way of a life that is satisfying for you?

         Have you lost important relationships?

         Are you facing division within your family?

         Are you feeling out of your element as a parent?

         Has someone you love passed away?

         Are you just feeling really disappointed with your life?

    I get this. I’ve experienced my own slings and arrows in life. Some things can’t be changed. But how are you seeing what can be changed? Sometimes change seems impossible, but if you think about it, examine it from different angles, you can find a different, better way to respond. 

    Losing Important Relationships

    When we lose these, it can feel like a our perspective of life changes. Maybe life seems smaller, restricted. Maybe we lose our ability to trust others, to have faith in them. I understand this, and can help you see the beauty and fluidity in yourself, and in your life. That beauty and fluidity probably feels dormant now, but it’s there, and it can re-emerge.

    Division in Your Family

    Families are supposed to care about us, be there for us, right? So why do they so often feel like the source of our greatest pain? The truth underneath all the conflict is that families help us examine ourselves, what we have a right to, how we can bend, and how to solidify our sense of who we are. And they can also provide a crash course in how to get along with others when your values are very different. It’s also true that sometimes families can never form healthy relationships with us, and that’s hard to come to terms with. Finding the foundation of your family, determined by personalities, values and needs, can help you understand what it needs to be healthy. This can feel like a pretty huge undertaking! I look at problems my clients bring to me in a systemic way. An engine can only work when it has all the parts it needs and they work in a particular way together. Humans are like that too. Couples and families all have moving parts that need to work in a particular way, and that’s what I can help with. But individuals have parts too, as odd as that may sound. There are so many different parts of yourself that make up the whole of who you are. Those parts are within you, and also in the world around you. When you work with me, we can gather these parts to find where problems are. With couples, families, and individuals, we can find changes that will be healing, when we know how all the parts work together.

    The Parenting Challenge

    People are changing. We’re understanding more about why people are different, unique, and our children are enjoying the freedom of finding out who they truly are. That can mean some pretty big challenges for us as parents. Our job is to protect our children, but also not get in the way of their process of self-discovery, of identity formation. And then there are the social pressures, from our own histories, that tell us who our children should be, and how we should ensure that they become those people. How we care for our children has been changing quickly, based on what we’re discovering children need to have lives that feel healthy and successful to them, on their own terms. Guiding them in that process, I believe, has never been more complicated. Issues our children are living with include Autism, ADHD, learning to listen closely to how their sexual preferences and gender identities are developing, dealing with how information is made available, and how to use it, and the uncertainty of their safety in the world. These challenges also call on us to provide guidance for our children that help them meet these life circumstances. This is not a small task, and it requires more sophisticated parenting than was asked of generations that came before us. This is something I can help navigate. And not just helping to provide parenting support and direction, but also helping you understand and process emotions that make this work difficult. What’s being asked of us as parents is huge. But so is the potential that resides in our children.

    Dealing with the Death of People We Love

    This kind of loss can be one of the biggest life changing events we face. We can feel like a part of us has been taken away, and without our permission. It can change almost everything we know and think about life, leaving us with pieces of our own lives that we have to find a way to fit together. We may feel our identities have changed, and that we are in the process of becoming a new version of ourselves. This kind of loss is intensely personal. I have experienced the loss of a beloved parent in my life, and so I understand my role is that of helping you think about life and loss in different ways that can stimulate new understandings and ways of seeing things. I can’t enter your pain, but I can help you navigate it in ways that can lead to processing your grief, and re-fitting the pieces of who you were into an updated version.

    The Reality of Life

    This isn’t something that is talked about much as we grow to adulthood. But the fact of the matter is that life is hard. And there are so many ways it can feel that it has outstripped our ability to find happiness and peace. I understand this. It’s easy to slip into a state of survival, because we think that’s the most we can have out of life. But just as there are so many ways people suffer in life, there are very many ways of finding that happiness and peace; it may just be they are not on our radar. Are you living a life that tries to conform to someone else’s expectations? Are your friendships based on something other than genuine love and acceptance? Are you living in the wrong community? There can be so many ways to block your own happiness, and this is something I can help with. Breaking out of thinking habits can make room for new perspectives and new solutions to a mundane, disappointing life. Discovering ways of seeing the potential of life, understanding its seasons, and providing your own excitement and comfort, are all ways that you can find your footing in a life of purpose. When we move into these new ways of seeing life, we can discover that our suffering has given us a greater depth of compassion and gratitude. When you know what it’s like to suffer, you find what brings you joy is worth fighting for.

    It’s true that these life challenges bring out the mother bear in me. But when I work with my clients, my focus is on their processing, their healing, and their discovery of the potential of their lives. I strive to keep my lens clear, as they say, so that my own perspectives and values don’t cloud your work. I bring many years of personal and professional experience to sessions, so you know that I’ll always bring respect and compassion to our work together, as well as a deep appreciation for the difficulties you are facing.

    “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

    If you feel it’s time to heal and find more ease and even joy in your life, I encourage you to meet with me for a free online, 20 minute consultation, to see if I might be a supportive guide through this meaningful work of transformation. You don’t need to face it alone. A partner in your healing can help you move out of the orbit of your grief and pain by providing guidance, support, new perspectives, and encouragement.